I looked at my own cervix.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
