You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
