the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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