Plan B is the new Plan A
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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