Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
