Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
