I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
