True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize