ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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