i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
