I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
