hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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