I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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