I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dicks are not precious.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
