Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
