Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
