a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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