That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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