I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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