if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
