saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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