Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
