U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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