I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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