I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
