(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
