I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
