So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
