You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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