Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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