I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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