Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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