Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
