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• (443): View more from Maryland

  hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker

  (914): View more from New York

  Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset

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• (207): View more from Maine

  remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?

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• (209): View more from California

  I will pee on everything he values.

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• (754): View more from Florida

  Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children

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• (631): View more from New York

  I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.

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