i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
