If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
