My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
