Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
