Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize