Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you had me at cake vodka
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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