god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
