We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
