The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
