Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
