apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
