every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
