I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
