ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize