She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
