You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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