Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
