btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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