yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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