Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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