Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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