UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
did i just pee glitter
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
