I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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