I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize