So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
