remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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