i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
