i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
