I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
