just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize