i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
