I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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