If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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