woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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