How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
