Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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