nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
