When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
