You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
