spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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