I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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