You took a bar mat shot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
