My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize