Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
