two words...techno handjob
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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